WARNING: We Are What We Pay Attention To
“What we pay attention to becomes our life.” – Jeff Warren in Finding Focus meditation on the Calm app.
This morning, I struggled to write a new blog – a new post about motivation. Though not because I lacked motivation, which would have been ironic. I lacked focus because my mind was switching between writing and wondering if had received a critical text message pertaining to a client meeting later that morning. To help regain focus, I turned to my trusty Calm app and Jeff Warren, one of my favorite meditation guides.
At the end of the short meditation, he said, “What we pay attention to becomes our life.” That comment stopped me in tracks. I replayed it several times. I thought about the significance of that seemingly innocuous statement that closed out the mediation.
It made me think about the importance of the thoughts that fill our minds, day-in day-out. Many people think only about “what” they do each day in search of productivity or life “hacks.” But the thoughts in our heads and what we focus on drive much of who we become and what we accomplish. Thoughts can serve us positively or thoughts that can chip away at how we think about ourselves. The quote reminded me of the old adage, “You are what you eat.”
What we pay attention to becomes our life. Put another way, what we focus on becomes who we are. Consider a few examples.
WARNING: What We Pay Attention to Becomes Our Life
People who are fueled by greed and solely focus on monetary rewards end up on the perpetual hamster wheel chasing the next reward. Each successive financial win becomes less and less satisfying, but the urge to continue the chase persists.
People who focus on external validation and acknowledgement end up as actors in a play seeking constant applause from the audience. Whether that’s finding ways to get “atta boys” from their boss or likes, comments, and shares on social media. External validation can be hard to come by and shifts people from a focus on what they value to what the outside world values.
People who focus on what others have and have achieved will always be looking up and chasing the vapor trail of the person in front of them. As I’ve tried to reinforce to my kids, there will always be someone faster and stronger in sports, but the same pertains to adults and our lives and careers. Focus on running your own race, taking your own shot, and being the best you can be. As Steve Gatena, founder and CEO of Pray.com, said on The Savage Leader Podcast, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
People who focus on aspects of their lives and careers that they can’t control find themselves in a mental strait jacket. They spend the majority of their days obsessed with the colleague gunning for the same promotion or the co-worker who constantly monopolizes face time with their manager. They concern themselves with the price changes and products of their competitors instead of their own firm’s value proposition and connecting with customers. Essentially, they focus on things that “happen” to them instead of looking for ways to “create” opportunities for themselves, their teams, their companies, and their families.
People who focus on the past get stuck with a kink in their neck looking back in time. They obsess on past events and struggle living in the present, much less thinking the future. They think about past events, both good and bad, and stay rooted in what has already unfolded instead of what they can do now and in the future. I do believe that lessons from our past can transform the present, but living in the past isn’t a model for a successful life or one filled with joy and fulfillment.
People who focus on those people who have wronged them end up in a perpetual spiral of negativity. The focus on what another person has done or caused them leads to a victim mentality and an inability to determine what happens to them. In effect, they become the effect instead of the cause.
If we are what we pay attention to or focus on, how can we free ourselves from the trap of comparison and of what we can’t control?
SOLUTION: Switch to an Internal Focus
In place of paying attention to, focusing on, and obsessing about external subjects and topics, switch the script and take an internal focus. Focusing internally will allow you to break free from the external temptations and shiny lures. Try one or more of the following:
Focus on Your Values
Focus on and pay attention to your values and what matters most to you. Spend time each day living out those values. Consider how you can practice your values at work, in your personal life, and in your community. Do that and eventually you will become a manifestation of your values.
Focus on Your Most Authentic Self
Focus on being the leader and person YOU want to be, not what other people (bosses, friends, family) or influencers (marketplace, community, media) think you should be. Don’t copy and paste best practices from books and TED Talks and become a Frankenstein leader. Instead, anchor to your values and lean into your strengths to create and express your individual leadership brand and style.
Focus on What You Can Control
We can’t control the actions of other people, teams, and companies. We surely can’t control what others think of us. Start focusing on what you can control. It starts with your mindset and attitude.
Focus on Your Own Learning and Development
Instead of paying attention to what your competition is doing to beat you, focus on what you can do to grow and get better – and eventually outpace them. Pay attention to the knowledge you need to learn, the skills to acquire, and the experiences to go through.
The Payoff: Shift Your Attention, Change Your Life
You are what you pay attention to. In place of chasing the shiny objects, obsessing about the annoying colleague, or focusing on your competition, just stop. Start paying attention to what takes place internally. Start by focusing on your values and being the most authentic version of you.
If you make that pivot, you’ll find that you will be guided and inspired by your values, act in a way that feels natural (and good), continually grow and get better, and buttress yourself to hang in there when everything around you is falling apart.
Compare that to people who chase constant rewards, focus on other people, and fixate about things that are out of their control. You’ll find that you are not just more successful, but you’ll experience far greater joy, fulfillment, and calm along the way.
Just Starting The Savage Leader Journey?
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Photo by Gianluca Zuccarelli