How to Be a Better Listener
Most people only listen at 25% efficiency*. Yet, people tout their ability to listen. I was reminded of this yesterday as I tried to have a conversation with a friend while he scrolled through his Twitter feed.
Being a better listener isn’t hard, but it takes intention and effort. Imagine the payoff of better listening—with your work colleagues, spouse, kids, and friends. If you struggle to see the benefits, think about how it feels to be truly listened to and heard.
How Be a Better, More Active Listener
Consider a few quick tips to boost your listening skill:
Listening Tip #1: Start by Being Present
Active listening requires being present as we can’t pay attention if we are distracted.
How to: Before starting a conversation, close your laptop, turn off Slack notifications, and pause the podcast you are listening to.
Listening Tip #2: Be Curious
Start with a genuine curiosity of the other person’s point of view, background and experiences. Doing so allows you to listen to the entirety of what someone is saying in place of just the parts you agree with.
How to: During a conversation, ask yourself, “I wonder why they have that perspective?”, “How does their perspective differ from mine?”, or “How does their background and experience affect what they are saying?”
Listening Tip #3: Check Your Ego at the Door
Be humble and enter a conversation looking to learn something new about the other person or about the topic under discussion. Each one of us can learn from every single person around us.
How to: As you are listening, ask yourself what you can learn from them as well as pay attention to their unique perspective on a topic and how it impacts them differently than you.
Listening Tip #4: Tap into Your Sense of Empathy
Having a baseline level of empathy (not sympathy) for others will allow you to listen more effectively.
How to: In a conversation, put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself what feelings, emotions, and thoughts you would have in that moment.
Listening Tip #5: Go Beyond the Words
Listening to what is said is critical. But so is the tone, gestures, posture, and facial expressions. Those can signal something deeper than the words. 80s band Extreme had it right. There are “More than Words.”
How to: As you are engaged in a conversation, pay attention to the tone (monotone, excitement, anxious) of the other person as well as their posture (slunk in their chair, head held high) and eye contact (Or lack of).
Listening Tip #6: Tune into What Isn’t Said
What is omitted can often be as insightful as what is said. Listen for topics that are avoided or aspects of a conversation that tend to be glossed over. Those can provide deeper insight into the person and their perspective.
How to: As you are listening, ask yourself, “What are they omitting or avoiding?” and “What does that mean or imply?”
Being a good listener is the job of any competent manager. It’s also critical in our roles as parents and partners. It’s not always easy, but the payoff, in the form of better relationships, is immense.
*Source: Business communication: Strategies and Skills
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