How to Overcome Fear - Greet Your Fear Like an Old Friend
All leaders experience fear. In a previous post, I shared a tip from a Navy SEAL about overcoming fear by finding something familiar. Here, I want to share insight from therapist Dana Upton about how you can overcome fear by greeting fear like an old friend and make it serve you.
Below is an excerpt from The Savage Leader that will help you start to overcome fear.
Tip to Help Overcome Fear: Greet Your Fear Like an Old Friend
Most people recoil from activities, people, and ideas they fear. Therapist and volleyball coach Dana Upton advocates doing just the opposite and works with clients to shift their relationship with fear. “To me it’s accepting fear, using fear, and not overcoming fear,” she told me. “Don’t try to get rid of it. Rather you need to embrace it.”
Step #1: Acknowledge Your Fear
Dana laid down a straightforward process she uses to help her clients to accept, embrace, and turn the tables on fear. The first step is to acknowledge that fear exists. None of us are superhuman and each one of us has a unique set of fears. Fear of the unknown. Fear of negative feedback. Fear of failure. “Make peace with the fact that fear exists,” Dana said. “It serves you in some way, much like sadness and anger do.”
Step #2: View Fear through a New Lens
The next step, which is critical, is to change the way you look at fear by viewing it through a different lens. The point is not to pretend that fear doesn’t exist, but to bring it into the light and put a name to it. Doing so creates full acceptance of and visibility into your fear. Dana says, “Greet the fear at the door and name it. Say ‘Nice to meet you!’”
Step #3: Ask Yourself, “What Is Fear Telling Me?”
The next step, as Dana explains, is to get to the source of the fear. Ask yourself, “What is fear telling me?” Consider the root of the fear that is paralyzing you. For example, ask yourself, “Why do I fear this upcoming promotion?” Is it because there is a part of the role that you don’t feel you’re ready for? Or will the new role require you to move out of your comfort zone as an individual contributor and start managing people and their unique personalities? Look for what your fear is trying to tell you so that you can start taking action to address it.
Step #4: Take Action to Address Your Fear
The last step is to take action and address it head on. Use the obstacle of fear as an advantage and find a way to let it serve you. Know that it’s there and use the adrenaline from it to help you focus on what you want to achieve.
Use fear to spur you into action. For example, if you are up at night sweating over your upcoming promotion to manager, become a voracious consumer of management books and podcasts to prepare for your new role.
Another idea: reach out to a mentor who has made a similar transition and find out what they did to succeed, what they had to learn, what behaviors they had to adopt, what mindsets they had to shift, and what actions they took. Talk to multiple people inside and outside of your company and situation to access the roadmap to persevere and succeed in your new role.
Key Takeaway
Fear is inevitable and will emerge at different points in your life. Rather than run from it, embrace it, learn from it, and use it to your benefit. Fear is a great teacher and can also guide your actions if you can get to the root cause of it. Lean into your fears and use them to drive your growth.
Savage Leaders own the fact that fears exist, and they find ways to address them. Savage Leaders also embrace their fears to great benefit.
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